Sunday 17 August, 2008

God Tussi Remake Ho!

No, no, no. I have not wasted time, money and energy actually watching this. Nah, I have just donned the smart-alecky pants of a lazy reviewer and written this piece based on mere impression. Infact I shouldn't have bothered writing an original review at all. A copy-pasted one would have served this xerox alright.

If ever a movie screamed about being a re-make, this Salman flick does so. The title and the poster themselves gave me my first deja vu feeling. Amitabh has played Moragan Freeman so many times - basically because he is the only one in Mumbai who can do so - his doing so one more time gave me my second indication. And then of course there were the promos that did the rest.

I am way too tired writing the same things about the interesting concepts that Indian filmmakers have about intellectual property, creativity and originality. I am not going to waste any more web space. What I alreday wasted is useless enough. Cheerio, guys, and go watch Jim Carey again. And again.

Friday 25 July, 2008

Wielding the juggernaut - circus over, challenge begins

Now that the nuke deal is nearly initialed on the dotted line, one begins to feel twinges of misapprehension. Have you come across tales of a couple awaiting a baby for years and years, and then when the son turned out to be a blackguard of the first water, wishing they hadn't hoped for his birth. You begin to fathom what I am trying to hint?

There has already been enough passed on as to how the deal is not a bed of roses all the way and has its gray areas by the kilometers. We know the nuclear power shall not be cheap, as we shall be buying technology and raw materials from the wealthy west. We know India's foreign policy shall be under the microscope of the international watchdogs and an atom bomb shall not be born in our arsenals, much to the glee of our pleasant, friendly neighbours.

However, my concern is none of the above real or imagined reasons. My motivation is a purely personal one at the moment where fear for my own skin is the inspiration behind the blog.

Think and project - are we, as a nation, as a people, capable of maintaining nuclear reactors? A nation where municipality taps miss maintenance, roads cave in, bridges fall, trains bang head-on, airforce planes crash and rocket launches fail. A nation where non-issues mar the real crux of the matter all the time, where corruption reigns, where criminal politicos run elections from jail, illiterate housewives rule states, below par candidates on reservation seats try to manage public offices. A nation that fairly bends double under the weighty threats of terror attacks from nearly all its neighbours.

Is such a nation capable of handling several nuclear reactors safely?

Pranab Mukherji mentioned that winning over the trust vote was the easier part of the deal. How right is he, albeit I am taking his words in another sense.

Most probably I am behaving like a gypsy gone crazy and perhaps tomorrow I shall laugh at this web log of mine. But meanwhile, pledge to be exta-careful, India, lest a Chernobyl happens here.

Wednesday 23 July, 2008

Muck and Dirt and Shit. Or just Politics

"As Lalu Yadav said earlier during the debate, many members of the house do not know much about the Indo-US civilian nuclear deal, I happen to be one of them." So admitted Mehbooba Mufti of People's Democractic Party.

Waah bhai waah! I have been hearing this sarcastic rendition since childhood - "Saari Ramayan khatam ho gayi to poochhte ho Sita kiski biwi thi?" (After the entire Ramayan was over, you asked whose wife was Sita anyway?). Never had I thought I would get such a live example of the same over National TV. Here is the entire country going gaga about the deal. Even the fruit vendor I came across yesterday was discussing the deal with me, and here we have an MP if you please, thumping her chest with affected, self-righteous honesty and exposing her utter ignorance. Aargh! What on earth do I say?

Meet Shibu Soren. A man accused of master-minding a murder. He now stands tall with the Coal Ministry probably in his pocket. There goes Amar Singh, being openly accused of buying MPs for money. Mr. Advani is so desperate for one term as PM he will touch lower and lower depths of dis-integrity. Man! I am tired of slapping my palm against my forehead.

Consider the utter, arrant, total, self-absorbing IDIOCY of our MPs - while just-out-of-high school Rahul Gandhi was making a speech about the stamina and fighting spirit of a Vidarbha widow Kalavati, the BSP objected saying her name was too close to the name of their chief Mayawati!!!!!!!!!! Imagine that the ruckus created over this forced the Lok Sabha to be adjourned for an hour and after it resumed, Gandhi had to refer to his heroine only as Mrs. Kala!!!!!!!! Have our MPs done a doctorate in raising non-issues? What did they think, this was a national circus going on where they were to act as clowns to provide tax-free entertainment to the gareeb junta?

61 years of Independence and here we stand. Atop a moral quicksand where truth gets sucked in so fast you hardly ever see it. Why has integrity gone out of fashion? Why aren't there any ideologies left? So right was Shashi Tharoor when he likened Democracy with Draupadi. Isn't she being mauled and insulted and raped everyday in front of and by its so-called custodians? Shame, shame on each one of us. Not one of us ought to spare himself the blame of bringing India down chin-deep into this horse shit.

Give me a break, someone! Please!

Friday 11 July, 2008

Who let the cat out (of the bag)?

Now we smell a rat, we do.

The UPA Government was blamed robustly for its alleged opacity in keeping the nuke deal text as big a secret as the face of a newly wed Hindu bride of yore.
And then the text was plunged in toto on an American website.
And then the IAEA spokesperson Melissa Fleming claimed sheer absence of any restrictions on the publicizing of the treaty.

Seems like our ruling party is having a severe egg-on-the-face trouble. And not just any egg, but that of an ostrich. And everyone who can, is having all the fun he can have with this egg, churning and churning it to make proper eggnog.

But while everyone else is preoccupied with reading between the lines of the agreement, here is our query - who was it that made the text public? And why?Since we have no idea of the truth, let's make a volley of speculations. Well perhaps not a volley, to be exact 'cause I can think of a mere two -

A random event? If so, the co-incidence couldn't have been timed better.
Left and/or the BJP? If so, I ought to give them more credit for their overseas ties. I guess their MPs must be actually doing something during their trips abroad.

More options, are there any?

Ah! For some Eve-lution in the US of A?

No Woman No Cry - So sang Boney M, and America chorused.

In the years old history of the nation, never has a woman been the one to (wo)man the helm, and now does not appear likely to do so for another five years. Hilary Clinton, the former first lady, bows out of the race, giving way to charismatic Dem opponent Barack Obama.

Ah! For some Eve-lution in the US of A?

Incredible co-incidence for Clinton, this, that the state of Iowa should have a city named Waterloo for it was here that she faced one of her worst debacles.

I was actually quite irked by the constant mention of sexism in association with the lady. Was she or was she not the victim is debatable as even the feminist lobby seems divided in its opinion. If she was, then I would like to repeat Agatha Christie - 'Human nature is the same everywhere.' If she wasn't, then her self-acclamation as one such victim is an exhibition of poor politics - which it seems has been her besetting sin.

Anyway, so much for the Americans. How are we Indians taking it? I guess with an Indira Gandhi in the past and a Pratibha Patil in the present along with a posse of Mayawatis, Jayalalithas, Rabris, Uma Bhartis et al, Clinton's gender ought not to cause raised eyebrows in this land of paradoxes?
(Though with Obama, there could have been a slight stir, methinks. Remember, people did object to Sonia Gandhi's race when she was racing for the PM's chair).

On the whole we should mourn Clinton's loss. With Obama looking so hale and heartily ahead of McCain in the view of election's crystal-ball-gazers and happily planning to cut down outsourcing, it would have probably been better for us if the Americans had not agreed with Boney M.

Wednesday 9 July, 2008

Iron hand shirks the Velvet Glove

So finally, after having bickered and fought like an old married couple, the Left formally filed suit against the Congress for divorce, citing the US of A as third party.

News! News! Our very own M.M.S., (read Manmohan Singh), after having been the butt of endless Laughter Challenge jokes, has finally showed Indians that he is the proud possessor of a razor-sharp tongue. Its not just George Bush smothering him with accolades, but, and here you have to trust me, several Indians too.

More than a gentleman, M.M.S. is a gentle man. Soft spoken to the point of being labeled the weakest Prime Minister ever and considered a Sonia-stooge by several, he finally seemed to come of age and gave strong unequivocal statements in favor of the Nuclear Deal.

What's more, at least on two occasions, he came out as that rare politician who does not crave the chair like a drug addict. Once, he offered to resign if he could not carry the deal forward, and then he went ahead with his mission of giving I.A.E.A. the nod even when the Left threatened to pull out.

Good going, Sir! We wish you a happy wedded life with Softie Singh Yadav. :)

F.R.I.E.N.D.S.

Two lesbians decide to get married, and one of the lesbians' ex-husband gives her away at the altar...A cross-dressing gay dad attends his son's wedding wearing a smart gown....An uber-smart mom kisses her son's friend...A guy falls in love with and marries a woman old enough to be his mother and lives with her happily ever after...A sister plays surrogate mother to her brother's triplets...An elderly couple make out without knowing their adult daughter was in the background...A father accidentally coming upon his daughter and son-in-law making love and after all the embarrassment goes on to give them tips on how to conceive....

Written like this, hashed up in cold blood, it all sounds so gross, so unpalatable. And yet F.R.I.E.N.D.S. is a hugely popular TV series that has captured the heart of millions and won accolades hands down.

There is something essentially warm and human about this ten year long drama(1994-2004). Yes, when seen here, even a lesbian wedding seems emotional and the paternal feelings of a gay dad get transmitted out of celluloid straight to your hearts - and all this while you are laughing your heads off at the awesome comic timing of the actors and the genuinely rib-tickling one-liners they are handed out by their scriptwriters.

Each character has been etched finely and given a very definite form and shape. One thinks sarcasm and Chandler pops into the mind. Ross is Geek to the K. Fashion Freaks are Rachels and Control Freaks are Monicas. If Phoebe is weirdness peronified, then Joey is the epitome of endearing inanity.

It takes the magical combination of superb actors (Jennifer Anisten, Lisa Kudrow, Courtney Cox, Matthew Perry, Matt Le Blanc and David Schwimmer) and absolutely top card behind-the-camera crew that makes FRIENDS click for us. Just look at the attention paid to the smallest of details. See how even the bit-part actors get such finely etched roles. Notice how the connectivity never breaks between sequential episodes and yet an individual episode can also be enjoyed and understood out of sync. Hats off!